Anti-Anti-biotics

I have decided that I am anti-anti-biotics (i.e. against them).

I am not exactly saying that I wouldn't take them, just that I'd really REALLY rather not. Even when they are taken as a last resort, they are taken resentfully.

I mean why on earth would any person in their right mind want to take something that messes with your body and…well…your daily routine…as much as antibiotics do?

Now dont get me wrong…I'm not antibiotic avoidant because I'm obsessed with my health. I'm not into all that 'My body is a temple' stuff and I dont eat only organic vegan foods. I am not exactly a health freak. I have had my fair share of bad health and antibiotic experiences. In fact, I'd say I'm the Queen of antibiotic induced symptoms. So I speak with a knowingness in my voice when I say 'I am anti-antibiotics.'

First, whilst taking these multicoloured nuisances, you will probably find yourself with either diarrhoea or constipation. Then of course there are endless combinations of other possible side effects. Nausea, Dizziness, Drowsiness, rash, urine discoloration, swelling of the tongue, Head aches, Feverishness – just to name a few. You may have these individually or simultaneously-which makes it all the more fun. You never quite know what will happen. It's like a prize draw of shitty symptoms. And someone has bought you a ticket.

Like the antibiotics I have the pleasure of being on now, have lead me to have a weird metalic taste in my mouth and constant nausea. Now the doctor warned me that I may get a metallic taste in my mouth and that they may make me feel a little sick. He said despite that I should try to persevere with them.

Persevere?! Everything I eat tastes like metal! No matter how many mints I eat, or how many times I gargle with mouthwash it wont go away. This metalic taste has some sort of override button for these. And I cant eat raisins because the smell of them make me gag. Also they make my piss a funny shade of orangey red (which frankly I find slightly disturbing). AND worst of ALL, I am not allowed any milk in my diet while I'm on these things, which means no coffee in the mornings! (I take mine extra milky.)

So since I've had all these weird-ish side effects I thought I should really read the leaflet with all the smal print (I know they say to read it before taking the pills-but who ever does?) It states (in the tinniest of small print) that nearly everyone who takes them will end up with side effects-and that the most common side effect is convulsions.  (The unpleasant taste in the mouth was further down the list, somewhere after furred tongue)

Now when I heard that convulsions were more probable than the weird taste…Well I nearly launched the packet in the garbage can then and there! However, I read on….and on…and on…through the endless list of side effects..and then it said-and I quote- 'If any of these symptoms become troublesome contact your doctor.'

Okay.

When are convulsions ever not troublesome?!

And then there's the whole thing about not being able to drink alcohol while on antibiotics. Or take drugs that may interact and/or chemically alter the positive effects of the antibiotics. AND if you are on the contraceptive pill it screws around with that too and stops it from working. I mean how inconvenient is that?

You will finally end up as a constipated, convulsing, over-fertile, vomiting wreck!

So I say let's boycott the suckers! Let us instead be overrun with infections that may lead us to a slow and painful death! Better that than not be able to have my double latte in the morning.

Complained by Probable Sushi.