Why Global Warming is Cool

Unlike Probable Sushi, I think Global Warming is just awesome. Why do we have to be so negative all the time. Come on people, lighten up! So the ice caps melt a bit and the water level increases globally… but after all the death and destruction, just imagine how many new places we’ll have to swim! Okay, so the water would be filled with plants, bacteria and life that shouldn’t be there, but hey! Swimming is swimming!

I keep hearing about this ozone business… so we pollute the hell out of the atmosphere, global warming kills the atmosphere and we get zapped by ultraviolet what-nots… I say, COOL! Just imagine how quick it would be to achieve the sun burntan you’ve always wanted! No more sun-bathing for hours and hours… a quick few minutes in direct sunlight and awwwaaaaaayyyyy you go. Nice and crisp. Yummy.

Hmm… what else? Animals dying… who cares, really? I mean, Genetically Modified Foods should make up for that. Sure, you may end up growing an extra arm or a thumb up your pooper, but at the end of the day it’ll save us from having to care about those furry bastards we call McWhoppers or whatever.

Oh… I just remembered, the coolest part of it all… AIR POLLUTION! With all the carbon-monoxied you’ll be breathing in all day, who needs to smoke ciggerettes! Man, that saves a good few hundred $ a year alone!

I can’t wait!

Brain-pooped by your good ‘ol Uncle Sushi.

P.S. – Remember to floss daily.