Okay, so here’s the deal… The Advertising industry needs a revamp. This isn’t going to be some typical rant about how advertising is intrusive and mind-numbingly irritating… I say – BRING IT ON, BITCHES! But for the love of God, try something new! What I am sick and tired of is this la-dee-da “we give a shit” approach to brand communication. I don’t want to be friends with brands. I don’t want to make love to my new television with the latest 3D technology. I don’t want to hug my new detergent at night and purr next to it until I fall asleep. What I do want… in all honesty as a consumer… is some ass-kissing. I don’t get my ass kissed enough… by anyone. Maybe this makes me a bit of a whore – but I’m willing to pay for a product that’s willing to kiss my ass and make me feel like a King. I’m not attention hungry, nor am I a lonely bastard (thank God!)… but I do feel like I deserve some pampering from the advertising industry after all these years of brand loyalty and paying for crap that I don’t need. I think it’s about damn time advertising gives US – the consumers – something back. I want my ass kissed. The next time an ad for Nescafe comes on TV, I don’t want them wasting my 30 seconds talking about how great their coffee is – I know that already… and if I didn’t I can always Google that shit. Instead, how about they spend that 30 seconds talking about how awesome I am and how good I look today. That would be nice.
Maybe what you want in return is different… but that’s the beauty… we can all pick what we want! There’s plenty of advertisements to go around. I think every run of an ad can be tailored to a specific individual – it might be expensive to do… but fuck it! If I’m going to fork over $5 for a jar of dry coffee dandruff, I deserve a little fucking TLC. Come on, Advertisers – my ass is awaiting for some smooching… get moving.
Your loving Uncle from the depths of the Himalayan bushes, Uncle Sushi.
