The ever-so cliche movie scene – a dashingly handsome man embraces the sexy lady drenched in the pouring rain. She’s crying and he tries to comfort her. She clings onto him with barely noticeable tears drip down her rosy cheeks. His reaction?.. “Shhhhhh…”.
As a man, I must say… kudos! Tell the crying lady to shush in her moment of need and vulnerability. After all, she was crying. Her fault. She asked for it. She clung to you and asked for your comfort… not the other way around. What was she expecting? How the fuck can you comfort her in the fucking rain? It’s raining! Double-you tee eff!
In every movie out there from 1953 onwards, whenever a woman clings to a man in tears, his first and immediate response is “Shhhhh…”. I think every tear shed by a woman should get a “Shhhh…”, it makes the aftermath so much more exciting. When the woman has snapped out of her boo-hoo’s, she’ll be sitting on her couch eating ice-cream and contemplating the world… probably watching “The View” or some other feminist-nazi shit… and then she’ll realize that he shushed her. Oh, boy, is he in trouble.
She’ll unleash hell on his manly ass. He’ll pay for his shushing. He’ll regret the day he ever dared to shush a woman. Every lesson she’s ever learned on Oprah, Rachel Ray and The Doctors will come bitch slap him. Every lesson he’s ever learned on WWE, UFC, The Terminator, Heat and Scarface will prove abso-fucking-lutely useless… and he will suffer the consequences.
Gentlemen… if you’re woman ever cries in your arms… hold her tight, his her gently, tell her it’ll “be okay”… and shut the fuck up. If you ever have the urge to shush her… at least try to cover it up with a cough. That shit you see in movies where the guy does it and she kisses him for it… total CGI, dude. Hollywood covered that shit up real good.
Philosophically belched out from the Montoblasto valleys of the pits of Fantanasia by Uncle Sushi‘s #2 – Nephew Sushi.
