Hello people… I know my fans (all one of them) will be very dissapointed in me for doing this but I am going to anyway… I am on strike. This is why I haven’t written in a while… and this is why I REFUSE to write until my demands are met.

I refuse to write on Sushi Files again until Al Pacino admits that he owes me $5. End of story.

I will not take this abuse anymore. Al! Pay me back darnit!

From your loving uncle, Uncle Sushi.

I think the title says it all.

The Pissed-Off Uncle Sushi.

Unlike Probable Sushi, I think Global Warming is just awesome. Why do we have to be so negative all the time. Come on people, lighten up! So the ice caps melt a bit and the water level increases globally… but after all the death and destruction, just imagine how many new places we’ll have to swim! Okay, so the water would be filled with plants, bacteria and life that shouldn’t be there, but hey! Swimming is swimming!

I keep hearing about this ozone business… so we pollute the hell out of the atmosphere, global warming kills the atmosphere and we get zapped by ultraviolet what-nots… I say, COOL! Just imagine how quick it would be to achieve the sun burntan you’ve always wanted! No more sun-bathing for hours and hours… a quick few minutes in direct sunlight and awwwaaaaaayyyyy you go. Nice and crisp. Yummy.

Hmm… what else? Animals dying… who cares, really? I mean, Genetically Modified Foods should make up for that. Sure, you may end up growing an extra arm or a thumb up your pooper, but at the end of the day it’ll save us from having to care about those furry bastards we call McWhoppers or whatever.

Oh… I just remembered, the coolest part of it all… AIR POLLUTION! With all the carbon-monoxied you’ll be breathing in all day, who needs to smoke ciggerettes! Man, that saves a good few hundred $ a year alone!

I can’t wait!

Brain-pooped by your good ‘ol Uncle Sushi.

P.S. – Remember to floss daily.

Please excuse the tardiness (and promiscuity) of this post-it appears that we have been having some technical difficulties.

But we’re back on track once more.

So…I have come to realise that we’re actually falling apart. If society has become the equivalent of a comfort blanket from your childhood, then it is falling apart at the seams…It is worn and tattered, and serves no purpose anymore. It was once good….But something happened to it along the way.

I mean society is showing more and more symptoms of being unwell.

You know when aunt Matilda starts acting a bit odd in her old age? Everyone pretends it isn’t happening, humours her, and goes along with her weird requests and peculiar tendencies….As though it is completely normal. No one questions her occasional need to pee in the potted plant in the corner of the room, or that she has stuck an alarm clock to her fridge door using duct tape-so that you can’t even see the hands on the clock.No one talks about how she sometimes forgets your name, or feeds the cat at the table.

Well, society is full of weird people that we choose to ignore and full of weird occurances that we refuse to face up to. Fair enough that we have mentally disturbed people littered about, there are places for them to go, treatments to have…bla bla bla. But what about when society as a whole is showing disturbing symptoms of derangement? What then? It’s not as though we can just schedule an emergency appointment with our therapist.

You know that something isn’t right when people get paid more to stack shelves in a supermarket, than they do to teach children maths and geography. A study was done where many many people were asked to name one (just one!!) country in Asia, and only a third of the people could. I mean where on EARTH do people think China is?!?

You know that things aren’t right when footballers and models get paid more money than they can actually spend in their lifetimes. We elevate them to hero status…we place them on pedestals and talk about the ins and outs of their lives instead of focusing on our own. Where is the sense in that? It’s like a sick sort of perversion…voyeurism of the least pleasurable kind.

I mean where are our brain surgeons? Where are our firefighters? Where are our real heros?

We are waiting for a miracle, a modern day messiah, something to inspire us…And we turn to people who smile and have their nails done for a living.

And what about the earths resources? We are running our of natural gas, coal, oil…we are told to try to use as little as possible, as these things are not coming back….So we turn down the gas when we are frying our bacon…we walk to work instead of driving our cars…we try not to water our lawns, because of the decrease in rainfall.

THEN we go and send HUGE space crafts out of our atmophere, (just to look around-its not even like we’re at risk of alien invasion or anything), using more gas as fuel than a million of our little gas cooker stoves ever could. Where is the logic?

How are we benefitting from these deviant behvaiours? Why do we choose to let this happen? we hand over responsibility to other people and then sit back and think to ourselves that something is lacking from our lives.

If that’s not the symptomatology of a seriously mentally disturbed society then I dont know what is.

Freud started out studying people that were completely physically healthy, and seemed happy enough…but they kept having subtle symptoms that couldnt be explained, like a reoccurring head ache, leg pain, or neuralgia. It turned out there were lots of things making them seriously unhappy underneath it all, but they chose to sweep these things under the carpet rather than face them. So, these issues, not wanting to be ignored or forgotten, found other psycho-somatic ways of being expressed. Through pains and other weird seemingly non-connected symptoms.

Is society doing the same?
Ignoring the bad things? Under rug swept…Then the same things appear in other places, in other ways.

The thing that disturbs me is not so much that these things happen…But that no one questions it. No one says: ‘Man its messed up that some footballer gets paid more than a doctor researching cancer…we could be saving people’s lives…or we could be watching a great football match on TV.’

And it’s not even like it’s total strangers that are affected by cancer. One in three people get cancer. I’d like to think that I know more than three people.

Where is our curiosity about these things? we dont even question society’s fucked up ways. We just carry on as though it is normal.

I say let’s go ask Aunt Matilda why the hell she doesnt just use the toilet. Let’s sit down and talk to her about her duct tape issues. Even if we can’t do anything about it, at least we’re not ignoring the fact that it’s there.

-Probably stressed out Probable Sushi.

* Hayfever induced skin rash.

* When you drink out of a can of coke that someone else has put their cigarette butt in.

* When you think you’re smart by bringing the EXACT change for a bus ticket but the bus fare has gone up and no one has told you.

* When someone decides that THEIR idea for your wedding dress, wedding cake…and anything else connected with your wedding is much MUCH better than your ideas, and takes the liberty to invite strangers and cancel all the things you had arranged.

* When it’s raining and a car drives past that puddle just a little too fast (hell, he sped up!) and you end up soaked head to toe because you couldn’t get out of the way in time.

* Sitting next to Mr. Stinky on the train…Then the train breaks down…for 3 hours.

* Little lambs bleeting softly only to be slaughtered unexpectedly.

* When you forget to bring a fork to work with you to eat your lunch with, and have to substitute it with a plastic knife that cuts the edge of your mouth.

* When someone forgets to tell you that they saw your car being towed, and you are late for a meeting.

* Paper cuts in strange places that refuse to heal.

* When your therapist calls you someone elses name and admits he hasnt been listening because he’s mentally making a shopping list.

* When your fiance does the same 20 minutes later.

Do you realise that a 1/7th of your life consists of
Mondays? -Probable Sushi

I’ve just feng shui’ed my home.
I was having some money problems and a friend of mine recommended I give my home the once over with a feng shui book, to rid my self of any “negative vibes” She said it worked wonders for her.
It’s meant to harmonise your stressful energies or something…I need some de-stressing so I thought why not give it a try. And I could do with some good karma.

So, I bought myself a money plant to put in the ‘wealth corner’ of my apartment…some pretty healing quartz crystals and a nice water fountain to create a peaceful atmosphere. Also, the book recommended a wind chime and mirrors to help ‘move’ the energy around the place…So I bought 5 windchimes and a few mirrors to make sure I have enough. I figured the more the merrier. And on page 54 it said not to have any sharp edges in your home…like square or rectangular tables, shelves…etc. Ideally everything should be circular and smooth….I thought maybe I’ll buy myself a round yingyang shaped table from the Ikea catalogue. They’re kinda cute and don’t cost too much.

However, it’s all gone wrong. It doesn’t work! Since I have rearranged the furniture my cat has started peeing in the corners of the room…He’s acting confused and is marking the territory, as though it’s an unfamiliar place. I eventually had to lock him away in my pantry. It’s a mess in there now. The pump in my mist making water fountain has burnt out, and now the apartment has a smell of burnt rubber and cat piss seeping through it. Hardly relaxing I tell you.

The fountain makes a funny humming noise-like an old fridge, and I keep bumping my head on the damn wind chimes and dream catchers everywhere. And I cant find the yang half of my Ikea table anywhere. Maybe I shouldn’t have rearranged the furniture so much. My bed is now in the hallway, and my fridge/freezer is behind the TV.

Also, the next thing I know my money making plant has died, and after sanding all the edges of my furniture down, to create ’smooth edges and good karma’ I keep walking into the furniture…Not to mention my allergies have flared up from all the sawdust everywhere. The worst thing so far though is that I can’t seem to find anything any more, because it’s all been taken down off the shelves, And I sliced my hand open on a large sharp piece of quartz crystal in the kitchen the other morning. I thought crystals were meant to be healing-Not be the cause of bloodloss.

Also, when you are hung over the last thing you need is bright light reflecting at you from 10 different mirrors and horrid gong-ing noises from the damn windchimes reverberating through your achey head.

And you know what?
I’m not richer.

Probable Feng Su(sh)i.

You go to the jewlers to get a ring re-sized. They need to make it smaller. They charge you hard core dollars for this minor operation.

Now you know that there is something wrong in this world when you give someone money to take your gold away from you.

exasperatedly,

Probable Sushi.

Why is it that some things are just Ridiculously priced?

Take car insurance for example…Think about it for a minute. You are paying for something that's not physically there. You pay £*$*£*$ for something that you never actually see. But its not like you get an invisible force field that will magically protect you car from damage. Its not as if you will actually be any safer when you are driving. Also, if you are lucky and a particularly good driver you may never even have any accidents. So you are effectively giving some guy in a suit your money for something you never receive.

Just in case.

Also, it drives me up the wall that you must legally have car insurance…If you get pulled over without it you will get a fine. HOWEVER, when someone slammed into my car a year ago and totaled it, and she didnt have car insurance…Where were the police? Where were the men in suits that I give my money to? I provided the police with her address, her license plate number…and yet somehow she didnt get into trouble. And since my car was old and worth peanuts anyway, the guys in suits said it wasnt worth claiming on it. What is that all about?!

Anyways,

back to expensive things.

So you have car insurance. Then there's wedding rings. I mean MY GOD are they expensive…and let's face it. It's a bit of metal around your finger. It's hardly a big deal.

And how about baby sitters? You pay a stranger money to walk around your home, completely unsupervised…probably rummaging through your stuff as they go. They sit in your favourite chair, while watching TV and occasionally raiding your fridge. Frankly, I think they should be paying YOU for the privelidge.

And whilst we're on the subject of babies…Who the hell prices baby food? Are they crazy? It's just mush in a jar!

These things drive me CRAZY!

AAauauaArrRrGGGhhhH! by Probably Sushi

Why is it that when one thing goes wrong for you, more and more things start to go wrong? Bad things never happen on their own…They always happen in twos or threes or…or…Well, dozens.

I am having one of those cliche bad days where everything starts to go wrong.

Now don't fret-I have not come here just to let off steam about a few small frivolities. I have come here to ponder WHY these things happen. I'm talking about all the small crappy things that slowly drive you nuts.

Like when you wake up late for work on the day that they are assessing your performance. Then you burn your toast whilst spilling coffee on the carpet. When you realise that your are spilling coffee everywhere, you swerve trying to prevent further spillage – Only to spill hot coffee down your self (!) and your last clean shirt. When you finally get to work (funny how there's so much more traffic than normal) the photocopier jams, your pen leaks ink all over your important papers, and someone else has eaten your lunch. When you recieve a phone call from your neighbour saying that your cat has been run over you are just about ready to scream. 

I mean surely with the laws of probability these things shouldnt ALWAYS happen all at once! But they always seem to. Or it is it my "bad day" paranoia that's speaking here? Maybe these things don't always happen in one day…Maybe once the first thing has happend it sets you in a bad mood for the rest of the day. And maybe then you are just more accutely aware of the other bad things happening? Maybe on a stereotypically good day you wouldnt care about the same shitty things happening. You would just brush them aside and go dance merrily under happy rainbows with other ecstaticly chearful people.

Or is it that you awake with some invisible magnetic aura around you that just sucks bad things into it…and into your life? And bad things just keep happening again and again to you-all day? Is that it? I mean after all there's no smoke without fire, so the saying 'She got out of the wrong side of bed' may have some degree of accuracy to it.

So the question is, do we cause it? Attract it? Imagine it?

Queried by Probable Sushi.

Have you ever just wanted to shout at someone? Someone has just reeeeally angered you, and you just want to yell at them a little, you know, just to get it out of your system…? But you can’t because their phone is GOD DAMN BUSY!!! It’s so infuriating!

I just had a phone conversation with a friend of mine, (Or should i say “friend”?) and they said something that upset me, but I didnt realise how angry it had actually made me until afterwards-when I had already hung up with them. Now I can’t get them back on the line again because their phone is engaged!

Im tempted to leave them an angry email of sorts, but I have a feeling that some irrational non-truths may make their way into the email..things that in the cold light of day would never normally make their way into an email to this person…things that tomorrow may make me cringe just ever so slightly and perhaps even psychologically scar my friend for life. So I have refrained from tapping furirously on my keyboard and hitting the send button.

Instead I thought I’d come here and vent to you invisible people that I will never meet and perhaps never hear from. However, there is one witness…Good ol’ Uncle Sushi. But I’m sure he’d never pass on my words of outrage and madness and wrath…Or would he?

To vent, or not to vent…That is the eternal question. The question that drives me to hair tearing exhaustion. To tell you invisibles why I’m so damn angry or not….hmmm.

I think that I’ll think it over whilst I eat my spicey chicken fahitas with extra hot salsa and jalepeno peppers…Maybe I can burn the angry words right out of my mouth, or even out of my head…Just diffuse the anger all together, so that I never have to express it. I can see it now…I’ll publish a book called ‘Anger Ridance by Incineration of the Mouth’ and it will come with a free sachet of chili powder.

Anyways, as I was saying, I’ll mull it over while I eat my fahitas, although right now I feel much more like throwing them at the wall than putting them in my mouth.

Wrathfully written by Psycho Sushi.