I have to admit that not many things frustrate me in life, I am a reasonably calm individual most of the time. However, the English language with all its lies, does.

Take the word ‘in’ for example. There are so many ways to use the word. Yet, several of the ways are obscure and inaccurate. I mean you have the obvious use of the word like “There is a beetroot in the fridge”, or “There is a cat in the toilet” and that’s fine. But things like “She was in love” or “Richard was in deep shit” do not actually mean what they are saying. Richard is not actually covered from head to toe in shit…It is not as if he is in a barrel of excrement drowning in faeces. And love is not a container…or a place. How can ’she’ be in love? What is love?-The new tupperware??

And so-called-sentences like “I’ll see you in fifteen minutes”…well they are full of lies too. Fifteen minutes is not a place you can go, and therefore you cannot meet or see someone there. If you were to substitute the words ‘fifteen minutes’ with ‘South Africa’ then it would suddenly make so much more sense.

And lastly, “Pastel colours are in this year” or “It is the in thing to do” Sentences like them make no sense what so ever. Pastel colours are in what? In paint cans? Or are they some sort of colouring pencils in a child’s pencil case? It is not exactly self-explanatory. And “It is the in thing to do”….? Does that mean some sort of indoor activity? It is not very specific is it? Neither of these sentences explain what they are referring to. Even after pondering them, they do not become any clearer.

Exasperatedly written by Probable Sushi.

I would like to give the greeting of “Hello” to you all before I begin today’s lesson. I have taken a shortish-longish break from The Sushi Files, because, quite frankly, I have a thing for commas, as I am sure you can tell. Nonetheless, I is back again, and the brain-farting continues. Probable Sushi has been busy, hasn’t she? Posting away like there ain’t no tomorrow.

Anyway… here’s the lecture for today… “Commas? What tha?”

Let’s analyze the situation: what is a comma? A comma is defined by a semi-real dictionary as:

A punctuation mark (,) used to indicate the separation of elements within the grammatical structure of a sentence.

But suprisingly enough, the following definition is also true of the word “comma” (same dictionary):

Anglewing butterfly with a comma-shaped mark on the underside of each hind wing.

I like the second definition better. It defines the word “comma” as being a butterfly with a “comma” shape mark underside its’ wings. What’s more fascinating to you? That the word “comma” is actually a butterfly with a “comma” birthmark? Or that butterflies actually have enough wings to have “hind” wings. Must be similar to a “hind” leg, but flappier.

I hope you have benefited as much from this lecture as the butterflies have. Ta-ta for now.

Mentally flushed out by your dearest Uncle Sushi

I woke up at around 2.34am this morning and grew deeply concerned about something. I am worried that the word ’snaffle’ will not be used to it’s full potential. What if people forget what its means? What if people stop using it and it eventually becomes extinct? What then?

I propose that to prevent this, that you and I, together, launch a ’snaffle awareness campaign.’ We could support the usage of this word, and spread its meaning far and wide. We could start a snaffle-promoting society, or snaffle support group, and we could have weekly meetings, with finger foods and cocktails.

I suggest that in order to let the world know of snaffling, that we drop 10,000 leaflets from helicopters all over the city, and place subliminal messages in places that people suspect them least. We could advertise through the media, and have snaffle supporting slogans printed on T-shirts.

What do you think? You and I could do this.
We could change the world. Are you in?

……………….

Snaffle. |’snaf.el|
[verb.] -originates from the 19th century.
To take without permission. To “away with” something. Typically done quickly and without prior agreement. To steal. To lay hold of (something) with one’s hands, without intention of returning (the something).

-Probable Sushi

Who in their right mind would put the letter ’s’ in the word lisp? It seems cruel.

-Probable Sushi

The word ‘archive’ is a strange one…

I mean say it out loud…Roll it around in your mouth for a while…Taste it. Get to know the sound that it makes…It sounds strange doesn’t it? Almost like the words ‘our cave’ being said by a man with a funny accent.

Of course we dont want to be discriminative here….We want to be politically correct, do we not? Therefore it is improper to suggest that it is a man with a funny accent. I mean it could just as well be a woman with a funny accent.

So the word ‘Archive’ conjures up images of ‘Our Cave.’ Perhaps it was intended this way, as maybe information was originally stored in caves. Filed away under rocks, so as to not be blown away, or lost, or disturbed.

Philosphiz-ed by Probable Sushi

I hope that I am not lowering the tone here…but I most probably am. So please excuse me.

When one uses the colloquial expression ‘I am going to take a leak’ why is it that one says ‘take’? After all, one is in fact not taking it anywhere…if anything one is getting rid of it. Letting it go, releasing it…

The same thing can be said for several other bodily functions, which I do not intend to list here, as that really would be lowering the tone. But I am sure that you can imagine what expressions that I have in mind. Other bodily functions which one says that one ‘takes’.

Mused by Probable not-24-any-more Sushi

This is an interesting topic… everyone knows what Dustbunnies are, right? If you don’t then you’re stupid, but I’ll tell you anyway – they’re little balls of dirt and dust that collect under your furniture. “Collect what?” you might ask. Collect, as in to join together in harmony, aspiring  to create the world’s biggest ball of dust. Unfortunately the Dustbunnies have been trying for centuries, but these damn humans keep cleaning them up or urinating on them. Anyway, the history of the Dustbunnies is a separate post altogether.

What I would like to know is, is the word Dustbunnies actually 1 word, or 2. Is it Dust Bunnies, Dust-bunnies, Dust-Bunnies, Dustbunnies or DustBunnies? You know what, come to think of it… I don’t really care.

Brain-farted with your neighbor watching by: Uncle Sushi