There was a time, a long long time ago, where monkeys lived free of prejudice and coercion. There was a time where monkeys knew what the funky chicken the word coercion meant. There were plenty of times, but this story looks back at one particular time… the time where bananas were abundant and the branches seemed to never be closer. This time was a glorious time for monkeys. One in particular, Bunko, lived happy. Happy as can be. He was a well built monkey who was envied by all the male monkeys, and drooled over by the females. Bunko was a monkey of his word. When he said “OO OO AAA EEE AA OO”, he meant that shit. He was a brave little f**ker too. He challenged orangutans and other larger beasts. He never made it against the larger ones… but he powered through fearlessly… until one day… when he met his match. Bunko was a big fan of bananas, as all his species were, but he adored them with carelessness. He came across a blue banana on one sunny afternoon, while enjoying time with his homies and chicitas. When the other monkeys saw Bunko pick out the blue banana, they warned him. “OOOOOOOO OOOOOO AAAAAA!” the tribe proclaimed. But Bunko was an arrogant little bastard. He ate the blue banana despite their warnings in hopes to impress the ladies once again… but this was his last and ultimate act of arrogance. Poor Bunko now lays to rest, with a friggin’ blue banana still half digested in his poor little stomach. The end.

Moral of the story… don’t be stupid. It ain’t worth it.

Peace!

Your emotionally abusive Uncle………….. Uncle Sushi.

I’m not quite sure what to make of this new legislation which has been passed by The Powers That Be. It seems so uncompromising. And if there’s one thing you don’t need when attempting brain-farting, it’s resistance. It’s so bad for the health you know.

As a result I am now not sure how to get the flow of the previous brain farting going again. I must therefore turn to my esteemed colleague, Uncle Sushi, for ass-istance.

Kind regards, and sincere apologies,

Probable.

Well, dear people of the Kingdom of Sushidome…. what the f**k has been happening here? Probable and I have been on hiatus for a while… my fault, I must admit… but we’re here again… and we’re gonna rock the shit out of this blog — as always.

To kick things off again, here’s a thought… Why is it that when you decide to let out a tiny little fart on an elevator, it’s the stinkiest little bastard? And it always seems to linger until you’ve reached the floor your headed to and there’s always some woman with her little kid about to walk in.

For all you elevator farters out there — keep your poo bubbles in your containment area until your out of harm’s way.

The thankful uncle of all sushi lovers… Uncle Sushi.

Hello people… I know my fans (all one of them) will be very dissapointed in me for doing this but I am going to anyway… I am on strike. This is why I haven’t written in a while… and this is why I REFUSE to write until my demands are met.

I refuse to write on Sushi Files again until Al Pacino admits that he owes me $5. End of story.

I will not take this abuse anymore. Al! Pay me back darnit!

From your loving uncle, Uncle Sushi.

I just thought I ought to drop a line or two since neither I, nor Uncle Sushi, have written or published anything for the longest time…hmmm.

I wonder why that is?

Is it because the price of TuRkeys have gone up?
(Turkeys with a capital ‘T’ and ‘R’ you wonder dear friends and viewers?? Why yes indeed, for I am talking of the sacred creature The TuRkey…The long-legged TuRkey. Look it up if you’re not familar. It is worshipped in many cultures as being a rain bringing deity.)

Or is it because we have gotten bored?

Or is it because we were hospitalised due to severe flasbacks from our days in Nam?

Or is it because we were out investigating new realms?

I can only speak for myself, as I cannot ventriloquise for Uncle Sushi or our other representatives….But I myself was exploring other means of communication and other realms….This involved having seances to communicate with the dead, and joining face book to reach the living…

However, stay semi-tuned for more…For there will be more my friends, oh yes, there will be more…

Brought to you today on this sunny Tuesday afternoon/eve by Probable Sushi

Check out this list for ideas of what we each can do in our everyday lives to prevent more damage to our planet.

http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/sgw_actionitems.asp

-Probable Sushi

The information below is taken from this web page:
http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/sgw_learnmore.asp

Global warming isn’t opinion. It’s a scientific reality. And the science tells us that human activity has made enormous impacts to our planet that affect our well-being and even our survival as a species.

The world’s leading science journals report that glaciers are melting ten times faster than previously thought, that atmospheric greenhouse gases have reached levels not seen for millions of years, and that species are vanishing as a result of climate change. They also report of extreme weather events, long-term droughts, and rising sea levels.

Fortunately, the science also tells us how we can begin to make significant repairs to try and reverse those impacts, but only through immediate action. That’s why we urge you to join us. The Stop Global Warming Virtual March is virtual but its purpose is real. By spreading the word and sharing this with others, our collective power will force governments, corporations, and politicians everywhere to pay attention.

What is Global Warming?

The Earth as an ecosystem is changing, attributable in great part to the effects of globalization and man. More carbon dioxide is now in the atmosphere than has been in the past 650,000 years. This carbon stays in the atmosphere, acts like a warm blanket, and holds in the heat — hence the name ‘global warming.’

The reason we exist on this planet is because the earth naturally traps just enough heat in the atmosphere to keep the temperature within a very narrow range – this creates the conditions that give us breathable air, clean water, and the weather we depend on to survive. Human beings have begun to tip that balance. We’ve overloaded the atmosphere with heat-trapping gasses from our cars and factories and power plants. If we don’t start fixing the problem now, we’re in for devastating changes to our environment. We will experience extreme temperatures, rises in sea levels, and storms of unimaginable destructive fury. Recently, alarming events that are consistent with scientific predictions about the effects of climate change have become more and more commonplace.

Environmental Destruction

The massive ice sheets in the Arctic are melting at alarming rates. This is causing the oceans to rise. That’s how big these ice sheets are! Most of the world’s population lives on or near the coasts. Rising ocean levels, an estimated six feet over the next 100 years or sooner, will cause massive devastation and economic catastrophe to population centers worldwide.

The United States, with only four percent of the world’s population, is responsible for 22% of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions. A rapid transition to energy efficiency and renewable energy sources will combat global warming, protect human health, create new jobs, protect habitat and wildlife, and ensure a secure, affordable energy future.

Health Risks

Malaria. Dengue Fever. Encephalitis. These names are not usually heard in emergency rooms and doctors’ offices in the United States. But if we don’t act to curb global warming, they will be. As temperatures rise, disease-carrying mosquitoes and rodents spread, infecting people in their wake. Doctors at the Harvard Medical School have linked recent U.S. outbreaks of dengue fever, malaria, hantavirus and other diseases directly to climate change.

Catastrophic Weather

Super powerful hurricanes, fueled by warmer ocean temperatures are the “smoking gun” of global warming. Since 1970, the number of category 4 and 5 events has jumped sharply. Human activities are adding an alarming amount of pollution to the earth’s atmosphere causing catastrophic shifts in weather patterns. These shifts are causing severe heat, floods and worse.
—–

A real eye opener isn’t it?
-Probable Sushi

Good Evening Folks!

I am here as a representative of The Sushi Files™ and as a representative I have been asked to speak on behalf of Probable Sushi on a matter very close to her own heart…The absence of Uncle Sushi.

After the resurrection (see post no. 1143 a.k.a. ‘latest news’) Uncle Sushi was retrained in his combat skills and sent on a covert mission as an operative. This was sanctioned by Sergeant Sushi, who himself has been missing in action for a number of years.

Probable Sushi was left behind to run The Sushi Files™ until Uncle Sushi was ready to return.

Until further information is available I am contracted to be on standby. However, I am authorised to answer any queries that you may have concerning either Uncle Sushi, Probable Sushi or The Sushi Files™ as long as these queries are not linked in any way, shape or form, to the supply commission.

I am also not authorised to tell you whether or not this is currently a code red.

Yours sincerely,
A representative of The Sushi Files™

And he just walked in….In the middle of everything!
This guy actually thought he was the new messiah.

Sitting down next to the young one, he completely ignored her. That had certainly never been done before. As they wheeled in the trays of pastrami and German Bratwurst sausage, she scrutinized him. She made up her mind quickly.

The audacity.

-Probable Sushi

I’d like to apologise for not having been around for a while.
Sushi Files has had some behind the scenes troubles. Financially we have had a low, and with oil prices being high, we nearly had to close down. Personal issues have been at an all time high as well, and since our company therapist quit recently, this lead to some severe communicative misunderstandings.

Anyway I have bad news folks.
It seems that Uncle Sushi is no longer with us. I have apparently killed him.
But don’t worry, we have some scientists working on the resurrection at the moment, so he should be back with us shortly.
Also, since he will need time to recover, there may be a few additions to the team…Amongst others a neuro-surgeon, a librarian, and an ex-Nam military sergeant.

So don’t fret-SUSHI FILES lives on!

-Probable Sushi