I had a Past Life Diagnosis done and it was quite interesting. All you have to do is enter your birth date.

To get a flavour for it here is mine:

‘Your past life diagnosis:
I don’t know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Yukon around the year 1675. Your profession was that of a leader, major or captain.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
It always seemed to you that your perceptions of the world are somewhat different. Your lesson is to trust your intuition as your best guide in your present life.

Do you remember now?’

Regressed by Probable Sushi

Did you realise that today is the longest day of the year?
When you are at work today and time feels like it is crawling…just remember…it really is.

There will be nearly twice as much day time today as there is in the middle of the winter. Unless of course you are a lucky bastard that lives near the equater, with tropical cocktails, beaches and exotic flowers in your hair. (Not that the beaches and cocktails are in your hair…but you know what I mean…)(Unless of course you got drunk, got a bit rowdy and had a sand fight, and there’s now sand and alcohol stuck to your scalp…)(You lucky bastard)

Well I suggest we celebrate the Pagan way and rise with the sun, dancing and chearing and eating good food…at 3.30am GMT.
Oh, wait, it’s too late for that.

Well the dancing could still happen. Did I mention that it’s naked dancing?
Okay, so maybe that’s not so good if you’re going to work…

How about the chanting happily and drinking wine and good food?
Okay, if you work in an office maybe the chanting isnt so good. Nor is it appropriate if you are working in a funeral home. (Or even as an undercover cop.)

So maybe we’ll just celebrate discretely.

Here’s how:
If in office…tell your boss you’re working hard on those ‘files’ he gave you, so you will be busy for the next 30/40…well all day…so not to disturb you.
Then deactivate any fire alarms that there may be in your building, and close the blinds in your office, so no one can peer in at you through the scummy windows.
Then slink back to your desk and open that hidden bottle of wine, or better yet, vodka, in your desk drawer. Drink (in a secretive way) to your hearts content. Then take out pictures of Pagan Gods and Goddesses and stick them all over the walls with blue tack.
Now, make a small fire using only natural things such as wooden twigs and dry leaves. (you may wish to go to nearest park or woodland to collect these-tell boss you are visiting a ‘client’)
Once fire is going strong (did i mention to do this in your desk drawer also, so that you dont get caught?) scatter exotic flowers on the flames and chant over and over again (approx 12 times) THE SUN IS OUR GOD, HE/SHE DRIVES WINTER AWAY!
If you do not have any exotic flowers I will give you the contact details of a contact of mine that lives near the equator…He can hook you up.

Then, dance around your spinning office chair in an anti-clockwise direction (preferable without clothes on) Shouting that it is the shortest eve, and the longest day of the year. Do this discretely.

Then, when you are done, light 13 candles and scatter ashes in each corner of the building. You may also wish to scatter some salt by the doors for protection. Just for good measure.

And then it is done.
Above all else, smile whilst all this is going on, and if anybody asks…Well I’m sure no one will ask…because you have been doing all this in a subtle quiet way.
Enjoy.

-Probable Sushi.

To make someone confess what they have done wrong:

Take a frog alive from the water.
Extract it’s tongue and return the frog to the water.
Lay this same tongue on the heart of the sleeping person, and they will confess their deeds in their sleep.

This spell is recommended* for wives who suspect that their husbands are cheating on them, interrogation officers, teachers of young children or roman catholic priests.

HOWEVER we do recommend that you simply ask the person first, as they may just tell you. It would also save the life and tongue of a frog. After all, by taking the tongue of this frog you may actually be condeming him-as he would no longer be able to confess for himself to his own little froggy priest. At the very least you would condemn him to a life of no taste-buds.
Or worse yet, he may actually be a human prince that has been transformed to a toad. Which could indirectly lead to a world of comatose princesses.

-Probably (not) a Witch Doctor Sushi

(*please do not actually do this.it would just be stupid to do so.)

Spells and charms using black cats*:

The blood from the severed tail of a black cat will cure shingles or any other skin disease.

Styes on the eye can be cured by stroking with a black cat’s tail-use a tom cat for a woman and a queen cat for a man.

At the same time this charm must be repeated: ‘I poke thee, I poke thee, I poke the queff that’s under the’ee O qualy way! O qualy way!’

-Probably (not) a Witch Doctor Sushi

* Although these spells may work I do not, nor does any other representative of the sushi files, suggest or recommend that you use them. There are simpler ways to cure hiccups and styes. We suggest that you contact your doctor before trying any alternative remedies and check with your local pharmacist before taking any medication. We do not believe in cruelty to animals-Not even geese.

Occasionally people get into a situation where they are being pursued by someone whose attention is a nuisance. Rather than reacting in anger, it is better to open the way for this unwanted suitor to leave. This spell should do the trick.

(It is best not to react angrily as you are only sending out negativity to the universe. This will only gain you bad karma.)

Do this spell on a waning moon.

You will need:

• vervain leaves
• a fierce fire

Method

Light a fire. Pick up the vervain and as you do so call out the name of the offending person. Fling the leaves on the fire and say:

 Withdraw from me now I need you not.

Repeat the action three nights in a row.

Alternatively, if this does not work tell him to 'Fuck Off' That usually also does the trick. Say this in a calm tone, as you do not want bad karma. Repeat as needed.

Probably gonna work by Probable Sushi