The Pefect Slippery Nipple:
one measure of sambuca
one measure of baileys
Pour the sambuca into a shot glass, then carefully and slowly pour the baileys on top. They shouldn’t mix, if they do then it looks more like a brain haemorrhage than anything else. There’s a knack to this…or you could try to use a spoon.
(or get special shot glasses that are divided into two sections)
This shot tastes divine….try it and see what you think!
The baileys takes the edge off the sambuca.
A group of forty-something-year-old, balding ladies scrambled over the furniture. Thankfully I was still wearing sun glasses that managed to dim the glare from their pale naked flesh. They all held ticket stubs in their pudgy fingers, while they noisily arranged themselves in their seats.
Finally when they were seated, rather clumsily might I add, the show began.
A middle aged ugly American fashion editor with his greasy hair in a pony tail arrived late, up-rooting everyone seated in his row. He had the audacity to leave his mobile on during the performance.
After about three disruptive phone calls, the lady next to me turned and sneezed on my face. As I wiped her spittle from my cheek with a tissue I noticed that her lips were so full of collagen that she could barely close her mouth.
I flinched as the opera singer bowed and nearly fell off the stage, being so over-weight that her short legs could barely hold her. A member of the orchestra managed to yank her back, just in time.
When I got back out into the street the fresh air hit me like a slap in the face.
I could finally breathe again.
From the personal memoirs of Probable Sushi
Have you watched the film Aeon Flux?
Is it just me…Or is there a similarity between the Human Upgrades website (in our blog roll) and that movie? A similar theme, if you will.
I personally am all for ageing naturally.
How about you?
Probable Sushi wonders what the future will hold.
Stunningly pretty cocktail….its very very blue.
serves 2
2/3 measures blue curacao
2/3 measure gin
1 measure lillet
crushed ice
lime slices
Place the three liquids in a cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake until frosted, then pour into shallow cocktail glasses and finish with a slice of lime.
ENJOY!
Sinner: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Priest: When was your last confession?
Sinner: More than ten years ago.
Sinner: *takes deep breath* I threw a glass of water in the face of a cripple.
Priest: Why did you do that my son?
Sinner: I dont know Father. He just looked so happy, that I couldn’t help myself.
Priest: Is there anything else my son?
Sinner: Well yes….it was on the cripple’s birthday.
*shuffles nervously in seat* It was his 18th.
Priest: *hesitates* ..Is there anything else my son?
Sinner: Yes.
Priest: Go on my son…
Sinner: I didn’t get him what he wanted for his birthday. He wanted a train set…He said he liked to watch the trains going round, he liked to watch them from his chair…I got him a frozen chicken in stead. *gulps guiltily*
Priest: Why did you do this my son? You know that the disabled have very few pleasures in life.
Sinner: I know Father…I know. But I had been drinking.
Priest: Alcohol?
Sinner: Yes.
Priest: So you illtreated a crippled boy on his 18th birthday and tormented him whilst you were drunk?
Sinner: *sobs* Yes Father.
Priest: You must do the same as last time.
Sinner: As last time Father? Really? Must I?
Priest: Yes. You know the procedure.
Sinner: *is silent*
Priest: Go home and pray for forgiveness. Then 500 hail Marys while you stand on your head.
Sinner: Thank you Father, thank you.
*starts to leave*
Priest: Oh and my son?
Sinner: Yes Father?
Priest: You must never eat lemons again.
——————-
Nearly a true story, by Probable Sushi.
Sautee potatoes….Bernaise sauce….Cabernet sauvignon…..Lemon meringues….Creme brulee….Daaaaaarling!
I insist…Just one more slice…please! I won’t hear of it!
Jeeves made it.
We had him make it.
*aristocratic laugh*
Daaaaaaaaarling…Please, you haven’t touched your wine.
It’s a very good year don’t you know.
It’s getting late-Jeeves go fetch the countess’s coat. Oh, and her shawl.
Where is Bernard? Still in the restroom? Quick snaffle some of his sherry while he is away.
*aristocratic laugh*
Well daaaaaarling, we must do this again.
It reaaaaaaally has been too long.
*kisses air*
We must do this again.
-Probably not. Probable Sushi
I have to admit that not many things frustrate me in life, I am a reasonably calm individual most of the time. However, the English language with all its lies, does.
Take the word ‘in’ for example. There are so many ways to use the word. Yet, several of the ways are obscure and inaccurate. I mean you have the obvious use of the word like “There is a beetroot in the fridge”, or “There is a cat in the toilet” and that’s fine. But things like “She was in love” or “Richard was in deep shit” do not actually mean what they are saying. Richard is not actually covered from head to toe in shit…It is not as if he is in a barrel of excrement drowning in faeces. And love is not a container…or a place. How can ’she’ be in love? What is love?-The new tupperware??
And so-called-sentences like “I’ll see you in fifteen minutes”…well they are full of lies too. Fifteen minutes is not a place you can go, and therefore you cannot meet or see someone there. If you were to substitute the words ‘fifteen minutes’ with ‘South Africa’ then it would suddenly make so much more sense.
And lastly, “Pastel colours are in this year” or “It is the in thing to do” Sentences like them make no sense what so ever. Pastel colours are in what? In paint cans? Or are they some sort of colouring pencils in a child’s pencil case? It is not exactly self-explanatory. And “It is the in thing to do”….? Does that mean some sort of indoor activity? It is not very specific is it? Neither of these sentences explain what they are referring to. Even after pondering them, they do not become any clearer.
Exasperatedly written by Probable Sushi.
Two pieces of bread with something tasty between the two. Have you thought of the philosophy that governs the existence of the sandwich? I thought not. Let’s take the cheese sandwich as an example – two plain, white pieces of bread with a slice of cheddar cheese. A nice simple point of reference. Do we place the cheese in the sandwich to flavor the bread or do we use the bread to dilute the strong flavor of the cheese? This can count for almost any ingredient – sandwich ingredients are almost always more flavorful than the bread. So which is it? Do we eat the sandwich for the bread or for the filling?
Philisophically burped out by Uncle Sushi
So…I’ve been checking our blog stats and it seems that quite a few people have found us by searching for ’sexual-sushi’ on various search engines.
Now this puzzles me slightly as i’ve never heard of sexual sushi before. I mean firstly how can sushi be sexual if it is dead…? Inanimate objects can’t be sexual…Unless you’re a necrophile of course, and then I suppose anything that was once living will seem super-sexy to you.
Secondly, if this is not the kind of “sexual” sushi people have been looking for, then what is? Sushi made from sexual organs of fish and other things from the sea? Seaweed-wrapped Squid vagina, anyone? Lobster Penis rolls with wasabe? Hmmm? Anyone? Help yourself to the soya sauce-there’s plenty more in the kitchen. Mind the chop sticks on those fallopian tubes!
I mean honestly…you guys are just sick.
Disgustedly,
Probable Sushi
They’re coming. They’re right behind me. I’m running as fast as I can, but they’re catching up. I need to run faster. If they catch me, there’s no telling what they’ll do. I’m running and tiring out fast. I can barely keep going, but I have to. I have to run, I have to. I wish I never left the others behind, but I had no choice; they were reluctant to come. They seemed brave enough to stand up against them. They’re crazy. How can they be brave enough to face them. How come I couldn’t? I’m running, they’re coming. I have to keep moving. Where are the others? Are they still standing there? Let me look back… no, wait. I can’t look back, if I slow down, they might catch up. I have to keep going. I losing my strength, I have to stop. I can’t. I can’t. I need to keep moving. I’m so tired and drained. I’m slowing down, my body can’t go on much longer. I’m slowing down. I’m sure they’re inches away from me. I’m slowing down. I’ve stopped. Let me brace myself before they get me – there’s no telling what they’re going to do. I’m crouched, sweating, out of breathe… why aren’t they attacking me? Where am I? I look up and see nothing. Not a soul in the world. But where are they? Did I lose them? Let me head back and make sure the others are okay. A long, lonely walk back, and I finally get back – alone and tired, but I’m sure they’re all dead. They must have gotten to them. What’s this! They’re all where I left them! So much has changed, but they all seem alright. Where are the chasers? They were after us all! Gone? When did they leave? They never came!? So why did I run? I’ve wasted so much time. Man, I wish I hadn’t run away at all. Look what I’ve lost. They’re all where I left them, they’re all fine; and so much has changed. How can I catch up? I can’t. It’s too late. I need to start anew. Let me find somewhere else to start anew… but let me run fast, I’ve wasted so much time, I need to make up for it. I’m running, again, but I can’t find anyone else. Where is everybody? I’m too tired to go on. I can’t make it. Let me head back, at least I won’t be alone. Everything’s changed again. What’s going on? I’m still the same. I haven’t grown. Why did everyone change? I can’t handle this. Let me go and find others. Let me run again and find my way. I’m tired, and I don’t know how much longer I can go on. But let me try. I have to try.
Coughed up by Uncle Sushi
